Welcome to Tigersue's Jungle. Here you may find a Jungle of thoughts and idea's. You may never know what you will find!
Yes, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints! I am a wife, a mother, a sister, and a friend.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Random thoughts

I haven't blogged much. As I said before since the death of my Aunt I have had little desire to write anything. What I want to write I shouldn't because some of the things I have to say would not be very kind, and somethings never should be shared on a public forum like this even with good intentions.

Most of the time, I'm okay, just living life day to day. Trying my best to take care of my family, loving my little girls and being there for the big ones if they need an ear. I'm trying to be the best wife I can for my husband but sometimes that doesn't seem to work out so well when I'm so wrapped up in my thoughts and frustrations.

When all is finalized I will post more about what I have learned in this journey but right now it is not the time.

I can say, I often feel my faith is weak, the choices I have made with full support from my Father in Heaven has not worked out how I expected or at least hope. More and more I feel rock bottom, in despair and hopeless. My faith is weak, and I pray for strength and miracles but so far the strength and miracle seems so far away I can't grasp it. I'm overwhelmed with things I need to do, things I'm called to do and I can hardly live day to day. I pray daily for relief, for something to give and even release from callings because I'm not sure I can do it all. I'm not doing my best effort, in fact I feel like I'm doing the worst I can. I'm not sure what the next month will bring but I'm terrified. It is said that faith and fear can't live together. I'm afraid I'm losing the battle of faith. I'm not patient, never had been. It is probably my worst fault. If anyone could see the degree if impatience I have they would know that it is the root of all my other faults. I want things done now, and now isn't happening.

Daily I wonder, will this ever end?

1 comment:

T. F. Stern said...

Sounds like you need to provide some kind of service to someone, enough effort so you will forget about your own problems. Get to it.