Welcome to Tigersue's Jungle. Here you may find a Jungle of thoughts and idea's. You may never know what you will find!
Yes, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints! I am a wife, a mother, a sister, and a friend.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

When memories aren't the same

There are some wonderful pros and cons to the world of facebook. It gives me a chance to get to know casual acquaintances better as well as a fun way to keep in touch with closer friends. I have discovered though that it destroys my view of friendships long lost. I am discovering that I am a selfish being that really has had little impact on others in my life. I don't remember every person I have known over the years, but there are some friendships that I never thought the other person would forget me. Not that I was ever deluded into thinking that I was the center of the other's world but the impact that these friendships, both female and male, had such deep impact and influence on how I perceived myself and self worth that I never imagined that I would become "forgettable" to the other party.

It is a sad thing for me. When I can so vividly recall conversations, activities we did together, and what I thought was a mutual affection that was as if we were brother or sisters. I never expected a response of "I don't know how I know you, can you tell me how?" It is a let down a shock to discover that I did not have the same kind of impact in their life that they did in mine.

I wonder, how is it I can attribute something so wonderful and memorable but to them it is forgettable and I am another person that walked in and out of their life in moment. It is both humbling and discouraging at the same time. All I was and am a blip on the radar screen.

The first was a girl I knew in Junior high. A sweet kind girl and we did many things together until she moved. We kept a small amount of contact and I even managed to attend her wedding reception. I never, ever thought she would forget me, because I never forgot her. Strange how that happens.

The other was a young man I knew my first year of College. He was waiting for his future wife to come home from her mission. He lived in the dorm and we met at church since we attended the same ward. Often I would play the piano in church when the organist wasn't there, and sometimes he would come in when I practiced and would sing with me. We often talked about how much he missed his girlfriend. I liked to think that we could talk like that because I, for some strange reason, did not have a crush on him.
He was a protector of mine. He helped me with a stalker so many times I could not say. He was a life saver for me that year. He gave me a confidence I did not know I had. He was truly my brother. The day I first attended church after the summer break his then fiance (she was back from his mission was there) and he saw me sitting in the back. He was speaking in church that day and he made a beeline afterwards to introduce her to me. It was a wonderful moment to know that I was important enough for him to introduce me to the most important person in his life.
Our relationship rightfully changed at that point, as was only right and proper. I honestly never expected to be forgotten though. I always cherished our friendship over the years. He was one of those people that taught me what to look for in a spouse. He treated me so well, that who ever I married had to live up to that treatment. All this time I thought we were there for each other, but I guess I am wrong, and he was sent to help me.

It is strange how that happens, and I'm sure I have done it to others. Still it is a bit of a shock and in many ways a disappointment. More than anything it causes me to reflect on my life and am I really doing what I can to help those around me and do I really make a difference.
I wonder?

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