Welcome to Tigersue's Jungle. Here you may find a Jungle of thoughts and idea's. You may never know what you will find!
Yes, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints! I am a wife, a mother, a sister, and a friend.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

My lesson Sunday

I didn't talk about how my lesson went on Sunday. I had already mentioned it was a challenge for me to prepare. More than usual, and because of the topic, and honestly it is because I don't deal well with trials.

Years ago, I seemed to do better. I have always been one that gets upset easily when I loose something or something breaks down. I have always said I am not a patient person. Anyone that has lived with me for any length of time knows that. I don't know why it has gotten worse over the years. Maybe some of it has to do with my PCOS, and the burn out condition of my adrenal glands. Maybe some of it has to do with the bouts of PPD and other causes of depression over the years. There is something about depression that causes a more selfish attitude and feelings of dispare. What ever the case, I have always felt inadequate when it comes to my response to trials.

I remember feeling jealous, and angry with my infertility issues. I fell apart with the loss of a little dog 10 years ago, and last winter when Wrylie went missing I lost it again. I used to be a woman with a healthy dose of faith and trust. I'm not sure how that dwindled over the years. You know, I used to think, when I was 20 that I would be able to handle pretty much anything that came my way. I had a great deal of confidence, and wasn't so pessimistic. I'm not sure what changed over the years.

I do know that the best thing I have learned is the art of gratitude. I really appreciated Elder Bednar's talk on gratitude and prayer. I love to pray prayers of gratitude. When I learned that it was okay to ask for blessings and still feel gratitude at the same time, it was a burden off my shoulders. Still, I think I lack in asking blessings for myself. I feel selfish to ask for me, but I am more than willing to ask for others.

So why do I hesitate asking for blessings for me? Do I somehow feel inadequate, or unworthy? Am I afraid that I won't be up to the task of living as I should to be worth the blessings I need?
I know I am always afraid, afraid of getting in trouble and chastisment, and that in of itself causes self doubt.

When we have family prayers, I have no difficulty praying for the members of my family, but I don't pray for myself.

So why do I struggle with trials so much? It isn't like I really have a difficult life because I don't. I don't understand this about myself.

My lesson seemed to go well, and I had some great discussion about trials. I will post my outline on We Seek after these things, I haven't done that in awhile.

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