Welcome to Tigersue's Jungle. Here you may find a Jungle of thoughts and idea's. You may never know what you will find!
Yes, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints! I am a wife, a mother, a sister, and a friend.

Friday, October 05, 2007

A trip down memory lane and then some

There is something about reflection, reminiscing, walking down paths once trod. 20 years ago, yesterday, Michael asked me to be his bride. It was a wonderful, and humorous day. It started with a trip to general conference with a friend of his. This friend came to check me out, to make sure Michael was not making a mistake on the rebound of a newly ended engagement. We had only been seeing each other a bit over a week. He had ended the engagement just a few days before that. Of course, I had been in love with him for months, but standing somewhat in the background watching and waiting. Sounds a bit like a predator doesn't it.
The truth is, I did not want to interfere with the choices he was making. It cut me to the core, but he knew her much longer than he knew me, and we were just friends. That was how it should be. I did not want to be known as someone responsible for a break up. I just listened when it was time, and waited, and prayed for comfort.
I never expected that 2 weeks after the end of his engagement, I would be asked to be his bride.
Driving home from the session, we started talking about ideas for a reception. Never mind, he had not asked me yet. We were only discussing the possibilities of marriage. The moment we walked into my parents house, the cat was out of the bag, the words of ideas and plans out of his mouth before I could quiet him, and my mother was in tears.
Michael then went outside to talk to my father while husking corn. To this day it is a past time they do together, to remember the moment my Michael told my father that he wanted to marry me. Every activity we went to that day, Michael was telling everyone we say that we were getting married. Can you imagine, telling people we were engaged when he had not even asked the question yet. Is that over confidence, cockiness, or just so in love the thought that I would say no never entered his head. After several hours he realized that he needed to correct his assumption, took me to the Provo temple and we walked around the grounds, talked and cried a bit. He then asked me to be his bride, his queen, his helpmate forever. Without any hesitation I said yes. How could I not, I loved him for months, and it was what I wanted more than anything in the world.

Yesterday we went out. We drove to BYU dairy, shared a banana split, and then drove to the temple. We walked around the grounds, sat on our bench and talked about our past. Our 20 year past. It doesn't seem like it was twenty years ago. The "D" word has never, ever been part of our vocabulary. We are in this forever, so even 20 years ago, twenty years did not seem like a long time. It still doesn't. The 20 years has shaped us, and formed us into what we are today, and I suspect the next 20 years will do the same. After all, life together can not be based on time can it? Not when it seems like love and life are so intertwined that time really means nothing in retrospect? We may not know the future, but one thing I can count on, even in my most dark and self defeating moments it that Michael loves me. He loves me deeply as deeply as I love him. He completes every part of me that is missing, and yes there are many parts of me that are flawed, he helps heal those too. I think feminists would say I am demeaning myself by saying he completes me, I say they are wrong. For God created men and women to work together, to complete each other and stand hand in hand looking forward. I don't loose my individuality because of him, rather I am more defined because of what his love does for me.
Some might would say I am a fool, to love so completely, but they are wrong, for with out love in my life it means nothing. If I can not give my heart to him, to whom can I give it? When all is said and done, he is a part of me that is fused to my soul forever. He means that much to me. It is because of him that I am a better person. It is because of him that I have learned to love and to share. I have learned slowly to let him do what he needs to do, because that is important for us. I love him so much that I have to share his unique talents and skills with those around me and to those I will never, ever have contact with. He is special, he is gifted, God has blessed him with a talent most people will never understand. If that talent can help one misguided person back from terrible crimes and sin, it is well worth every moment apart.
I think I can say I was a smart woman twenty years ago, I am not sure smart has anything do with it, I just happen to be one very blessed woman. I have no regrets, I would say yes again. Even if it was after the fact.

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