Life's turns.

Here I am home from church, nursing a sinus infection and an eye infection. I'm on the mend but with the headaches from the infection I have to crawl into bed every so often.

I wish this was all that was on my mind. It has been a very emotional couple of weeks for me. Heck I guess it has been an emotional couple of years, and I can't seem to adapt the way I used. Still the past couple of weeks have been so hard. I find I seem to have the ability to offend my friends. I know I do it often enough but it is hard enough to find out you did it without meaning too. I have yet to figure out how to repair friendships when that happens. No matter how hard and how often I can say I'm sorry, when time has passed for the other party I'm not sure it cuts it. Oh, it isn't that the friendship is over, but it is different. I'm more cautious, less apt to open up my soul particularly when they were once best friends. I don't know how to heal it, and I don't know how I can change something I did without knowing it, and certainly not intended the way it was taken.

So on top of one friendship being changed, I found out that the woman I have felt closest to in my ward has terminal cancer. I have cried daily for her, for me, and for her family. I don't even know if I will get the chance to see her again. With this illness I haven't even dared to go knock on the door. Then I'm afraid if I do see her all I will do is cry, and I don't want to do that. It is hard to know what to do. I have a gift for her, now I just have to figure out how to get it to her so she can enjoy it. It is times like this that my little illness is nothing compared to the suffering around me. It helps to keep me grounded and a little less in the self pity zone. (Even thought it may sound like it, I'm really trying not to be poor me.)

Like takes many turns, and this is one path I have been down the past little while. Next week it will be something different I'm sure.

Calgary Alberta LDS (Mormon) Temple Construction Photographs

Calgary Alberta LDS (Mormon) Temple Construction Photographs

I am so excited to post these picture of the construction of the Calgary Temple. How I wish I could go to the open house. Alas money needs to be allocated to other areas. Can Anyone say mission fund?

He loves me...

Michael told me I was beautiful the other morning. Since I never feel beautiful, I told him "I might believe you if I was 100 lbs lighter". He looked at me, and said, "Are you kidding? Then you would be drop dead gorgeous!"

He loves me. :)

Is there something wrong with me?

I have been so emotional the past week and a half. I want to cry and everything and anything. Not just small cries but deep down sobbing. I don't feel depressed, stressed a bit, but even that isn't so bad in general. I can't help but think something is really wrong with me.

Do you ever feel like you are the most selfish, unreasonable, drama queen/king? Yup that is me right now . I think I need to find a cave and crawl into it.

On the upside, I think I signed the last formal paper for my Aunt's Estate. Only one major thing left and that is doing the taxes to close out the year. (no big deal since everything is one big fat 0)

It is possible.

What is possible you say? Here is an email from a professional woman to Dr. Laura about staying Chaste before marriage. Is it easy? Nope, but this woman knows her value and is learning as person after person dumps her because she will not have sex before marriage.

Some Mormon apologetic readings

I have been doing more reading again in apologetic sources. It is something I do from time to time and I can credit my sister for helping me down this trek. Actually, I found myself defending the church and the gospel at age 18, my first quarter in College, away from home. It was an experience I will never forget. I have also defended the church on message boards years ago when I first entered the internet scene. I can't say I'm as good at this as my sister, but at least I know where to go look when I need to.

Here is an article I found today. I frankly found that last bit of it interesting to me. It talks about the different levels of faith and belief. Most members will sit on level A, nothing wrong with that, but when you hit level B, you leave or you have to move to level C. Get beyond that. I suppose I have gone from that point of sitting on level A, to B and C. It explains why I love the gospel discussions that are deep, beyond the regular basic answers, when others need that basics. Why we need the basics in general. I'm sure I'm not making sense, but when I read the article, much of my experiences since the summer of 1984 now makes sense.

Shaken Faith Syndrome
DNA and the Book of Mormon
"Uh oh!" to "Ah, ha!" in aplogetics